You are still God.

With a testimony of real brokenness, I realised that what I've been experiencing all this time was all but a fraction of what pain really means. (Thank you Terese, for mentioning the video.)

Jill McCloghry, who sang Desert Song with Brooke Fraser, lost her son, Max, who was only 23 weeks and 5 days old upon birth. 

"I know my circumstance, in this season, doesn't change that God is still God. It doesn't change who God called me to be or what He's called me to do.

When I'm in the fire, and when I'm being refined, and when I'm in the battle and when the triumph isn't here yet but it's coming, I think that you look at God and you say: I know this is who You are. And He does, He does get bigger in your life. 

And it takes over the things in you that feels so.. you know, shattered. And it makes Him the focus and it begins to put those things back together." 

I sang Desert Song on Sunday, unconvinced that I meant it. And now, the more I have the song on my lips, every word seems to come with a tinge of conviction, whether I like it or not. 

On a very different subject matter:

Oh, I'm not going to try any longer. I realised that no matter how ambiguously intertwined we are and will ever be, I can't choose. I don't want to for the sake of it. I'm letting you be. In deciding on this, my eyes are directed to what really needs attention right now. But I would give it attention. I would if I could or wanted to. 

I feel, now.

I will sum up 2008 and attempt defining 2009 soon. And here's a smile, because I'm thankful :)